Everything Wrong With The Lion King 1 12
by VctrBnsn
Summary: Last in my series of Lion King sins.


Everything Wrong with The Lion King 1 ½ in as Long as it Takes You to Read This Text.

Spoilers!

(duh)

The beginning of this film makes you think you're in for a good movie. (ding!)

Yet even so, the song still sounds off. It' like every song in this movie is a cheap cover of the ones from the first one. Did they not have the rights to use the actual songs? (ding!)

Timon and Pumbaa. It's tradition. (ding!)

A movie about Timon and Pumbaa. (ding!)

Timon and Pumbaa are in a movie theater and are using a remote control to fast forward a film by pointing it at a screen showing A PROJECTED IMAGE! It's not a TV! (ding!)

Timon insinuates that The Lion King wasn't a good movie until he showed up. (ding!)

The Lion King 1 ½. What kind of a title is that? (ding!)

The Lion King 3: Hakuna Matata. What kind of a title is THAT? (ding!)

The meerkats sing a song about digging tunnels and escaping hyenas. Although this song is already annoying, it also fails on its very premise. The lyrics and visuals suggest that meerkats dig elaborate tunnels, even though they only dig tunnels large enough to make a den. Second, spotted hyenas aren't even a predator to meerkats. Hyenas and meerkats don't even live in the same region. (ding!)

Marge Simpson. (ding!)

Timon's uncle is named Max. They don't even care to give exotic sounding names anymore. (ding!)

Look! We're saying things that were said in the first movie! WATCH US! (ding!)

Movie is so lazy it decides to use a deleted song from the first movie and pass it on as original. (ding!)

Hyena's constantly change size. (ding!)

This shopping network joke actually fooled me first time I saw it. (ding!)

How did Max fall through the ground?! (ding!)

Timon's motivation is no different than 90 percent of the Disney princess'. (ding!)

Rafiki teaches Timon Hakuna Matata, yet in the first film he doesn't recognize him when he pops up. (ding!)

So, we find out Timon's backstory but not Pumbaa's. Doesn't that seem a little unfair? (ding!)

Finally, after a third of the movie, the film decides to become the midquel it promised. (ding!)

So, the Circle of Life sequence, one of the most beautiful sequences in all of cinema, is caused by Pumbaa farting. (ding!)

Does this movie want to make any attempt to have Timon likable? The TV show did a better job than this! (ding!)

This movie literally implies that Simba grew from an infant to a child over a single night. Not to mention that it implies that the "I Just Can't Wait To Be King!" song took place in the morning, when it more logically happened around noon, as Simba was with Mufasa and Scar in the morning, and it was evening when they returned home from the Elephant Graveyard. (ding!)

It seems like there is a deliberate attempt to make the scenes from the first movie to be different here. Is it possible to put effort into laziness? (ding!)

Now it's just a rode movie through famous Lion King scenes. (ding!)

If Timon and Pumbaa are running from the wildebeest, shouldn't they logically meet up with Simba in at least one point? (ding!)

Waterfall that would easily kill a man somehow spares a pig and a weasel. (ding!)

'Waterfall in a Disney movie' cliché. (ding!)

Timon and Pumbaa stare lustfully into each-other's eyes. Cue the fan fiction. (ding!)

Karaoke montage. (ding!)

What exactly is Rafiki doing in the middle of the desert? Why is he here? What caused him to talk to Ma? (ding!)

No attempt was made to get a kid that sounded like Jonathan Taylor Thomas. (ding!)

Jungle Boogie. (ding!)

Look! It's that teenage Simba you saw for only a second in the first movie! Are all DTV Disney sequels fan fiction with a budget? (ding!)

Snail eating contest. (ding!)

This hot tub gags implies that Pumbaa is farting continuously into the water yet stops as soon as he exits. (ding!)

Most heartfelt song in the world gets tuned over by generic and cliché spy-espionage music. (ding!)

The amount of added butterflies in this scene are too damn high! (ding!)

Who says 'the storms turning in a head'?!

It's convenient how they retool this scene so they can leave out the plot hole that Timon didn't recognize Rafiki in the first film. (ding!)

Discount Han Zimmer. (ding!)

This movie would have been a perfect opportunity to lampshade that hula scene, but it is missed. (ding!)

Um, Shenzi, Banzai and Ed weren't the hyena's chasing them in the first movie. It was just a group of random hyenas. (ding!)

Wow, Ma and Max just happened to find Timon and Pumbaa with no idea where they would be? What contrived convenience. (ding!)

So, when exactly did that scene were Pumbaa beats the hyena's up after Banzai called him a pig? In fact, when does ANY of this take place? I thought Timon and Pumbaa were on Pride Rock right next to Simba! (ding!)

90's dance moves. (ding!)

Because of this movie we have Timon/Shenzi shippers. (ding!)

Simba: "I could have never done it without you guys." WHAT A LOAD! Everything Timon and Pumbaa taught you kept you from returning home and facing your past. Sure they saved you, but they also rotted your brain like internet conspiracy theories. (ding!)

Wait, wasn't Timon living at Pride Rock in the second movie? (ding!)

Film ends on what would have been a much more interesting film. (ding!)

Movie Sin Tally – 50

Sentence – Sentry Duty


End file.
